so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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