mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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