Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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