I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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