im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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