Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
