When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
