No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
