just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
