yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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