All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
