It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
