I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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