I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
