I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
