I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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