How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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