I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
