Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
