So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I deserve this hangover.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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