I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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