I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
