He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
