Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
