Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
