and next time when you feel me up, do it right
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
