PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
