You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
