shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
