there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
