the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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