I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
