mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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