I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
