Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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