I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
