o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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