I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
