yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
