So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
