even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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