after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
