I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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