Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Vodka?
Forever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
