i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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