I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
