I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
