I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I see more hoeing in ur future
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