As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
