o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
